I started dating my husband when I was 30 and we began to plan our life together but that life moved me away from my parents. I moved to Chicago and as beautiful as it was, it was never home to me. I could only get home twice a year and trust that my two older sisters were helping my parents. That was very difficult for me as I was very close to my family. To date we still celebrate everyones birthdays together. I know secretly when I left my dad was mad at me. Although he knew it was my time to move on in life, he was surprised I did it. Like a good Daddy though he told me I always had a room waiting if I ever needed it.
We lived in Chicago for four years. I met friends but lost my job with millions of others in 2009. I could not find a job. Even the fast food places around us were not hiring. One day in 2010 my husband came home and said the best words I have ever heard, " We are going home". I did not waste a minute without calling my dad to tell him the news. I missed them all so much I could not wait to get home.
I came home to Philly in Nov. 2010. I planned to stay with my parents so me and my husband could find a place to live. All plans changed. My father who had been my foundation had a Hemorrhagic Stroke. He had come home from the store and told me he got lost. I was shocked and then he walked straight into a door in front of me. I immediately brought him to the hospital where they told me he was bleading in his brain. I signed papers to give him medication to try to control it and franticly went outside to call my sisters to tell them to get their buts up to the hospital.
My dad recovered from that stroke only to take many more in the upcoming months along with heartattcks and seizures. I could not move out. I tried to get a job but was so worried they would both kill themselves without someone being there 24/7 I could not keep working. My husband tried to help where he could but only I could control situations that had arisen. I did everything Dr's told me too. I tried everything to keep them going but they still left me.
In October my dad first went in the hospital for Oedema on his legs. It was what I thought to be routine when his medication was not strong enough. Two days later, my mom was saying she could not walk. I called an ambulance and took her to the hospital. Her stats were dropping and I stood there in shock as I did not know how bad she was. They finally stabled her and then my dad stopped breathing or so they say as my dad had sleep apnea and sometimes it looked like he stopped breathing (normal for people with this). Next thing I know I am getting a call saying they intibated him and he was in ICU with my mom. In shock, me and my sisters went room to room in the same ICU. Day by day, one was up while the other was down. They guilted us into intibating my mom even though we knew that was not what she wanted. I refused to give up on them even though the hospital did. They kept telling me both my parents were going to die and I was not having it. I told them all where to go.
My mom on Oct 27th 2011 went in to a heart rythem where they felt the need to shock her and killed her. I walked in on my my shaking on half her body. In a panic I asked the Dr if she was having seizures and he said, " I do not know". I flipped out and told them to help her. I told them to knock her out. Then my one sister walked in who is a nurse and said, " Lainie, they fried her". We told them to take her off the intibation and let her go. I sat there and watched painfully as my mother died. My sister still says now she does not know why they shocked her.
Now, my dad who is also intibated, had no idea his wife died, was still fighting for his life. They told us he would not make it off the intibation. He did at 100% saturation. He was breathing fine. They ruined his swollowing reflex by intibating him. He could barely eat after that but I was still not giving up. He was then moved to hospice where we were told he only had two weeks because his heart was bad. That was beggining of Nov. I prayed everyday for a miracle and got a little one as my dad woke up one day and started eating. He rallied and was talking to us. Well in hospice they did not want them to get out of bed so they started giving him medication that knocked him out. That put him down again and he would not eat after that. I was up there everyday over him trying to get him to eat and I finally had to do what I thought I would never do. I let him go. He did not eat for weeks and I just held his hand everyday. December 16th 2011 I lost my foundation.
It has been a nightmare since I moved home in 2010. The nighmare continues with me buying their house and estate issues. I have been going non stop with everything and no break. There is not a day that I do not cry for my parents. I miss them horribly. My dad told me months ago not to cry for him if something happens but I am so mad and sad I cannot help it. I feel like I was cheated of time.
My family and friends think I should talk to someone but I just do not want to talk to anyone right now so I am writting this blog. I know I am not alone. I know others are grieving at this very moment. I hope they read this to know they are not alone.
I am just trying to get through this mortgage and estate issues so I can move forward in my life. When my life slows down here I know I will start to heal. Right now, I am Lost but again I am not alone.
Mom and Dad, I miss you everyday. I know we will be together again. I love you both.
Happy Birthday Mom!
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